my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
