Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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