hotel room ftw
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
