Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
