Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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