im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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