So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize