I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
