I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
