Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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