"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
