Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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