Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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