i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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