whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.