hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
