im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
