Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
