omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
