My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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