I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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