Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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