On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
