I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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