are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
