he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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