Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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