Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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