The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize