Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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