I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
