you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
