I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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