we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
