sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
