I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
