She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
