you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
