He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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