do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
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I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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