I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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