I wish I could teleport
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
