Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
