You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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