Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
