shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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