i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
