I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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