ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
