no, he came in my armpit
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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