Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
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i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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