Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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