So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
