Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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