I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
