The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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