i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
