i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
