Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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