i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
