You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
