btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was like eating out sand paper
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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