He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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