We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
